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Howdy all...

Well, Christmas is gone. 2005 is gone! I was able to spend some time in Montana over the holidays, which is always a privilege. I was able to spend time with several great friends. Another year, and I cannot count the blessings the Lord has given me this year. So many victories, so many caring friends that keep me going. I wouldn’t make it without you guys and girls. ;) Yes, Yes, I know, I know. I have been terrible at keeping you all up to date. I have found that returning to normal life, has more responsibility to it than relaxation and fun. RATS. :) So first things first, an apology: To everyone who has been faithful to me in prayer and concern. To those that think I am at least “worth saving”, as good ol’ dad would say. I can just hear him say, “Well, we can trade you for a Yeller dog and then shoot the dawg.’ Only a dad can instill such inspiration and motivation. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Seriously, though, I am sorry for not being more diligent and committed to all of you that have prayed and continue to pray for me. Another year has flashed by. I have passed my 2nd anniversary of the surgery. TWO YEARS have gone by. WOW. Well, where marriages have special stones to commemorate the years together, I suppose, granite would be an appropriate 2-year celebration stone. Not sure what year 3 will be, maybe marble (pun intended :P) Really though, my life is different. I don't have to go far to remind myself that the Lord IS with me. I can't put into words what it feels like to have Him so close. So close that I can sometimes forget He's there, not to be in spite, but to simply say that it feels natural, so I don't question it. It isn't something out of place. He is part of who I am. I know He is there, so I can forget...not Christ, but fear. I didn't have to fear what would happen to me in that surgery, and praise the Lord, I didn't fear.

Here at the close of 2005, I don’t feel all that much wiser, all that stronger, all that healthier. BUT, I do still feel powerfully and mightily BLESSED. Honestly, I am worth keepin’. No, Really!!! This has been a year of Victories for me. I have completed my Chemo Therapy medication. I am DONE with it. Praise the Lord. My doctor has bumped the MRI schedule from every month to every three months. I am feeling more and more like my old ornery self. I am not sure what normal really is, but I think I have achieved it once again. As normal as I was, that is me now. I feel normal. If only I can get all the rest of you to believe me. :)

Despite feeling “Normal”, my body is still trying to adjust back from the side effects of that medication. That will likely take quite a bit of time. Having been on the Chemo for slightly more than a year and a half, my body had adjusted to the chronic skin dryness and the massive exhaustion it left me with during and after each session. Now, my body must recover from that adjusted condition. Having been off of the Chemo for nearly six months, I still struggle with excessively dry skin and days of heavy fatigue. No finger print grip. That rotten all-energy-vacated, heavy-chest feeling. I am confident, PRAISE THE LORD, that both will diminish as time goes on and I will be able to include those as Victories also.

Something new, however. Just this last Saturday, I spent part of the weekend with my best friend Phillip and his wife Leah down in Long Beach. Shortly after arriving at their condo Saturday evening, we were engulfed in conversation and catching up. Not long after I arrived, I began to feel very strange. I felt light-headed, but not dizzy. As I spoke, it became harder and harder to concentrate on the words I was trying to say. It became very difficult to speak altogether. I found myself slurring my words badly. I was having trouble making complete sentences. I still had full mobility and command of my physical control. I moved out to their living room area to chat with Leah. Very quickly, I found that I was unable to understand what she was saying. I could hear the sounds from her talking, but I couldn’t gather any of the words. It was all like mush, in a tunnel, it seemed. As I would try to respond, it was as though I had lost control of my tongue. I could not reply in understandable words. The condition lasted about an hour and I slowly regained control to speak, but with great difficulty and with considerable concentration and effort. Phillip and I went to find something to eat, thinking that the combination of a bad cold and not enough food had contributed to my strange experience. As I slowly regained ability to speak, I was still left with a very hard time thinking or remembering. Phillip continually asked me questions to keep my brain working and to try to break through this very scary mental block episode. As we ate, I did proceed to improve. We had ruled out the possibility of a stroke with the “4 Questions” (smile, lift your hands far above your head, try to speak a complete sentence, and XXX). I am not diabetic, so a low blood sugar was likely not the cause. What else could it be?

As timing would have it, I was scheduled for my now, every three month MRI and thus would be able to chat with my Neurology doctor. After telling him this same story, he replied that I had just had my first seizure. He said that the Speech and Voice Recognition portion of the brain was the area of the seizure. He gave me no explicit reason why, but rather that it was a likely occurrence in such tumor removal and treatment cases like mine. In response to this new development, I have now been regimented with an anti-seizure medicine to prevent any further occurrences. Meanwhile, the new medication has a list of side effects, much like the Chemo Therapy had. I have to take the medication 3 times a day for an undisclosed amount of time.

I can only hint at the things that come to mind about what may come. One cannot help but feel like the frog, jumping from one frying pan to the next, only one burner away. If ever I have felt fear looming at every thought as to where my life might lead, it is certainly in times like these. Yet in every temptation of fear, or that of grave physical or mental outcome from the experience and treatments I have had, I must continually tell myself that God is not finished with me yet. Paul says to the church of Philippi, (1:6) “…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” There is an old Steve Green song that says this as well. “He’ll be faithful to complete it in you” …in me. I have no greater hope, nor no greater confidence can I know, than to depend on the Lord. He has not brought me this far to let me fall. I will battle in prayer tooth and nail any such ailment or attack that confronts me. Rally with me in prayer as you have so powerfully through this struggle of mine.

Please leave me a comment here on the site, a comment of encouragement, or maybe a specific prayer. Your comments continue to bless and encourage me. Those comments are etched on my heart. I know that I have those in prayer, in battle, for me. Likewise, let me fight in prayer for needs that you might have. Those that have battled for me and with me are there for you as well. Let me fight with them for you. And together let’s watch the Power and Glory of the Lord; Reach us where we are; Lift us from the lows; Restore us from the pain; Heal us from the sickness; and Forgive us for our sin. There is no one Greater; no one Bigger; no one Mightier, than Jesus. He has been more than enough for me yesterday, today, and for tomorrow.

Where the Lord leads me from here, I don’t yet know, BUT …. RICHARD